Bending Without Breaking: Finding Myself After Loss

Thirty days they said. You were speechless, angry, hurting and scared. It seemed unfathomable that an entire life of this beautiful human being was now being put into a measly number. This was not it. This was not how it was supposed to be.

You watched her body transform into someone you didn’t recognize. You took care of her during those last two weeks. You gave her one last hug and cocooned her in love before you left, knowing this was the last time. You got the phone call before boarding your plane home. The one you knew was coming. You felt every happy feeling you’ve ever had physically leave your body.

You spent countless nights bawling on your bedroom floor until you could hardly breathe, over not only the loss of your parent but also the loss of somebody you loved. The person that was supposed to be there during all of this. The one that was going to hold you until the pain subsided, at least for a little while. There were times you could hardly make it through your days at the office because the sadness of so much loss in so little time was too much to bear. I bet you remember, because you were there. That was you.

You didn’t think you could make it. Getting out of bed and just going through the motions of every day life seemed out of the question. The days, weeks, and months seemed endless. How long could this go on? When would I be able to breathe again? There is absolutely no way you can survive this.

Remember how alone you felt? Drowning in an ocean of grief that nobody around you could understand. But you persevered. You learned that even though the people around you might not have the same experience, they will listen, and that’s what you really needed. You just needed to know that somebody was there. They would be your buoys until you were strong enough to swim on your own.

Caterpillar

Photo Credit: beautifulxstruggle via Compfight cc

You didn’t believe you would be standing here one day. That you would be reflecting back on who that woman was, and the places she came back from. But look at you my beautiful butterfly, you are here, you are standing, and you are stronger than you ever dreamed you could be.

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