I’ve finally come to see that being the yes girl is exhausting. In retrospect, it was a nice idea but no human being on this planet can 100% commit to everything all the time. This sounds like a life lesson I should have learned awhile ago right? Turns out my people pleasing and perfectionist tendencies can get the best of me now and again. (Cue 10+ years of work in the hospitality/service industry.) Learning to say no and being OK with that had not ever existed in my thoughts.
Post-breakup and the loss of my mom, I thought that reaching out might be good for me. So when I started down this path of volunteering a couple of years ago, I started small. Mentoring once a week, helping out at my church, etc. I was still so damaged but as I began to heal over time, I found myself wanting to become immersed deeper within my community. I was yearning to step outside of that which was familiar to me and in turn, my experiences began to change. I took on larger roles and extended time commitments. I found that a life of service and the people that come with that was right were I belonged.
As far as I was concerned, I had the perfect balance for awhile. Eventually I fell into another relationship, was working part-time as a server and all felt right. Good things don’t always last sometimes and each one of those previous components eventually ended. Break-up, job change(s) and instead of feeling harmonious, I felt overwhelmed. One week after my break-up, I ended up moving for my second job. Every small piece of the aftermath that landed on me felt heavy. I felt myself being pulled in 1,000 different directions as I piled on more and more commitments. My patience and kindness towards people I love was wearing thin. This was not the woman I knew myself to be. When you aren’t sure which way is up, it can help to flip the situation upside down. And where do I find that space? Yoga of course.
Way back in the day:
When I need to feel grounded (and just feel the ground!) and steady, yoga is my jam. In this time of reflection and serious personal growth, I suddenly realized that when we say no to one situation, we end up eventually saying yes to another. I didn’t have to be the yes girl. I didn’t need to check all the boxes and be a super volunteer. I had commitments to fantastic organizations but when they asked more of me, I was not required to say yes. And the real kicker? I didn’t have to feel bad. Occasionally in our shortcomings, we fail to see that that which we are already giving has incredible value. It can feel it is not enough and society has us programmed to lead a life of more, more, more. No thanks. If we are stretched too thin, it doesn’t matter how much you commit or what good you are doing because the burnout will damage not only yourself but potentially seep into those you are trying to help.
In yoga, when you do an inversion such as a headstand, you need a solid base. Your core should be strong in order to lift your legs by solely relying on that power within. When I first attempted headstands before learning the right way, I basically thought you just kicked your legs up while simultaneously sending up some prayers, in the hopes it would work. Turns out that wasn’t correct. The more I taught myself about yoga and the more I committed to studio time, I learned that headstands done incorrectly over time have the potential to cause injury. Our bodies know when we are trying to over-commit and do more than we are prepared for. The lasting effects can be damaging.
You can be super girl (or boy!) and find balance through the process. Don’t commit unless your base is strong and your core is firing on all cylinders. You are worth more to fewer people at 100% than you are to many while you’re burned out. Focus on that which is most important and put your energy there. Everything else will fall into place over time. Sometimes it helps if you look at it upside down.